So I’m Asian, specifically Malaysian. I’ve been having a hard time trying to please my family due to the expectations that they have of me. I’m currently studying Biomedical Science. I mean, it’s great and all, but it’s not exactly what I would have chosen for myself. You see, the problem with most Chinese families are the expectations. I come from a lower middle class family. Money is something I been drilled since I was a kid to earn and appreciate. Stable income. Stable job. Work. Work. Work.
“Don’t you want to be in Business? No? What about Science?”
Long story short, I was kinda forced into my degree. I regret it a little but I do understand where my parents were coming from. I slowly died a little inside everyday for the past 4 years. I thought that I would have to just live with this decision for the rest of my life.
But what few people know about me, is that my true love is language and film. I have been fascinated with languages since I was young. I learnt basic Japanese and Korean only through Anime and Korean dramas respectively. I learnt Mandarin on the fly during my university years. I already know 2 Chinese dialects. I have the standard Bahasa Malaysia education throughout my primary and secondary schools. And evidently, I am fluent in English. I never want to stop learning, so now I’m trying to learn French. I have dreamt of becoming a translator or even a language teacher. But my family doesn’t see that as a viable job. I love English literature too. But I had to contend myself with just treating it as a hobby.
My love for film was fostered by the many years of watching films and television. Hollywood, British, movie franchises, you name it, I’ve watched it. YouTube has been a big influence to me as well. Maybe this has influenced me enough that I don’t think like a typical Asian (no offense, just saying). I don’t want to be unhappy and realise 10 years later that I could have done something to change it. I want to be happy. I want to try. And if I fail, well I have this Bachelor’s Degree that I got after studying for 3 years. 4 years, if you include Foundation in Science. That’s a nice cushion.
Money is an issue. A HUGE issue. The currency exchange rate is killing me, guys. I guess I gotta earn money first and then be able to go overseas. I’ve been looking at some acting schools and academies recently. I tried to have a conversation with my mum about it. But I got shut down. Like badly. Being told that my dream is just rubbish and shameful. So, okay. Worst panic attack ever. So assuming that I have no support from my family, I’ll just have to earn enough money and somehow finance myself. Is this crazy? Should I just find a normal, stable job? I worry about it constantly and I hope that chasing my dreams is worth it. Maybe someday, she’ll be proud of me?
Telling stories. Inspiring lives and making people feel something. Even for a short moment. I have always wanted to be a part of it. I just have to have the courage and capability to try. I’m not afraid of failure. I am just afraid of having regrets and being unhappy with my life. Does it sound silly?