I am not perfect nor am I happy all the time. Social media gives me a lot of pressure to hide the ugly parts of myself and to only showcase the ups of my life. Those picture perfect moments. Only happy things and never the bad. I wondered if I should do that when it came to my blog. But I want to be genuine and not to force myself to pretend. This is my outlet and so, this is me.
Be it just random thoughts, ranting, the anger, pain and even fangirling about the things I love. This is my hideaway, as they say. Sometimes before I post anything, I wonder if I’m being too negative or boring. One of things that I’m afraid most is being boring. It’s just the stagnancy of it and I have this insecurity inside me that makes me feel as if I’m always being judged.
It’s honestly scary how much I used to let the thoughts of others influence me. I never knew how much I was faking it until I realised that I no longer recognised myself. It was as if my “online persona” took over and I had to actually maintain that façade in real life as well. Those days were really hard for me and I ended up having to recharge a lot more often than I do now. That’s the main reason why I practically withdrew from Facebook and other social media sites for a while. Now, I just keep a perfunctory Facebook account for chatting purposes and I don’t usually use it unless I have to. Not to mention, viewing their posts about their perfect lives, moments and gatherings made me feel bad about myself. Sometimes, I would feel left out or even envious of others. They call it, fear of missing out. So that’s what it was.
I’ve learnt that being yourself is the most freeing thing to do and it’s really rewarding when someone connects to your true self and not just a constructed image. I don’t think that I can truly ignore the opinion of others because I admit that I’m a sensitive and insecure person. I can try to not let it rule my life but I have no guarantees of what’s to happen in the future. What’s most important is that I am happy with the decisions I’ve made and that I don’t have any regrets.
Spreading love and joy to all. Have a great day!
Remind yourself that you cannot fail at being yourself
-Wayne W. Dyer